The two people next to me who were clearly not popular in high school whispering about office gossip
The man in the over sized camo coat snoring
The Mic happy hostess
The man who was all bothered that I asked to borrow his pen
The mess of a man who created a ruckus because he couldn't find an outlet - your email to Marvel Comics can wait.
The fact that it's 10:17am and my phone just flashed '20% battery life remaining'
The 90's Raver techno music blaring from this kids' iPod sitting behind me
The woman who insists on applying hand sanitizer every 3 minutes
The peck peck pecker lady on her computer clearly writing a very angry letter
The older woman who spoke so loudly and insistently on her cell phone about 'brewing a pot of tea' (Ok, later I found out she was a doctor so that conversation was allowed)
People's desperate attempts at getting out of jury duty (Your sister was not in an accident JUST LIKE THIS ONE and it would NOT impair your judgement on this trail!)
The woman who had a Burberry catalogue throw up on her
Things that were amusing about Jury Duty:
At 4:03 I mentioned I worked with Drag Queens and at 4:30 I was dimissed.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
My list of Puerto Vallarta
Things i found wash up from the beach:
Some stank ass poky fish
Random Flip Flop
A boot
Things I don't like about resorts:
The 90s Florida furniture
The feeling of colonialism
All the locals peering at me wanting me to buy their crap
Cheap unoriginal newlyweds
People who think it's a good idea to get their hair braided
Their desperate attempt at getting you to participate in group activities
The horribly unattractive people
Things i like about resorts:
Open Bar
The 90s Florida furniture
People who sunglasses that have visors built in
Bars in the pool
The doiley my muesli came on
Things that were awkward:
The constant beggars
The insanely small size of the tacos
My moms constant insistence of pointing out all the American based brands - yes globalization happened
Things I realized once seeing them I don't care for:
Pictures of peoples children tattooed on their chest
Mighty Duck do-rags
Extremely pale people who can only be from the North
A light up firework display in the shape of a heart at a wedding
Things that are exciting on the PV gay beach:
The neon pink g-string on a leathery old man with bleached hair
Old men in too small of swim suits
The up charge for drinks
The street peddlers still selling female jewelry
Overly prepared gays
How many gays per square foot
The feeling of being in a zoo as the families walk by
Things i enjoy about Puerto Vallarta:
The fact that I can order a Margarita from a man named Margarito
All the hot locals playing football
My continuous drunkedness
The Cancun spill over
Cobble stone roads
All the white painted buildings
Things you can purchase on the beach:
Shrimp
Ugly ass Bracelets
Parachute G.I. Joe's
Rugs
Obnoxious hats
Sarongs
Awful dresses
Wiggly wooden animals
Flashy fish
Adorable Wind chimes
Tacky Lawn Art
Hammock Chairs - although delicious logistically a bitch to pack
Things that rocked at Gay Club Manana:
The Pinatas
The cheap fireworks that went off during the drag show
The fierce Tranny thieves
The pound of make-up the Drag queen wore
Her awful lip syncing capabilities
The Canadian in white capri's I went home with.
Things that were wonderful my other gay night out
I drunkenly discovered a bath house by accident
Mexican versions of 'Tom of Finland' painted on the walls - not as affective
I can spot a dirty old man with a local prostitute a mile away
In Los Amigos it looked like a rainbow blew up in there. Except of course when it came to the balloons. The economy must have tanked after they blew up Orange, yellow, and red - because green, purple, and blue were nowhere to be found.
Looking at a map when drunk that was more worried about air brushing the guys' abs than being accurate became quite difficult
The 'cowboys' behind the bar would have fulfilled some 'Broke Back Mountain' if they were actually hot - Don't do the theme if you can't pull it off.
Some stank ass poky fish
Random Flip Flop
A boot
Things I don't like about resorts:
The 90s Florida furniture
The feeling of colonialism
All the locals peering at me wanting me to buy their crap
Cheap unoriginal newlyweds
People who think it's a good idea to get their hair braided
Their desperate attempt at getting you to participate in group activities
The horribly unattractive people
Things i like about resorts:
Open Bar
The 90s Florida furniture
People who sunglasses that have visors built in
Bars in the pool
The doiley my muesli came on
Things that were awkward:
The constant beggars
The insanely small size of the tacos
My moms constant insistence of pointing out all the American based brands - yes globalization happened
Things I realized once seeing them I don't care for:
Pictures of peoples children tattooed on their chest
Mighty Duck do-rags
Extremely pale people who can only be from the North
A light up firework display in the shape of a heart at a wedding
Things that are exciting on the PV gay beach:
The neon pink g-string on a leathery old man with bleached hair
Old men in too small of swim suits
The up charge for drinks
The street peddlers still selling female jewelry
Overly prepared gays
How many gays per square foot
The feeling of being in a zoo as the families walk by
Things i enjoy about Puerto Vallarta:
The fact that I can order a Margarita from a man named Margarito
All the hot locals playing football
My continuous drunkedness
The Cancun spill over
Cobble stone roads
All the white painted buildings
Things you can purchase on the beach:
Shrimp
Ugly ass Bracelets
Parachute G.I. Joe's
Rugs
Obnoxious hats
Sarongs
Awful dresses
Wiggly wooden animals
Flashy fish
Adorable Wind chimes
Tacky Lawn Art
Hammock Chairs - although delicious logistically a bitch to pack
Things that rocked at Gay Club Manana:
The Pinatas
The cheap fireworks that went off during the drag show
The fierce Tranny thieves
The pound of make-up the Drag queen wore
Her awful lip syncing capabilities
The Canadian in white capri's I went home with.
Things that were wonderful my other gay night out
I drunkenly discovered a bath house by accident
Mexican versions of 'Tom of Finland' painted on the walls - not as affective
I can spot a dirty old man with a local prostitute a mile away
In Los Amigos it looked like a rainbow blew up in there. Except of course when it came to the balloons. The economy must have tanked after they blew up Orange, yellow, and red - because green, purple, and blue were nowhere to be found.
Looking at a map when drunk that was more worried about air brushing the guys' abs than being accurate became quite difficult
The 'cowboys' behind the bar would have fulfilled some 'Broke Back Mountain' if they were actually hot - Don't do the theme if you can't pull it off.
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